we made out on top of his cat.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
