You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
