party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Randomize
