we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize