i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
