On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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