If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
