i just made my gag reflex go away.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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