i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
