I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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