but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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