While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
