Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
