he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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