I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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