i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
