my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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