Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
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