She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
