I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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