I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
now i know why i became what i already was.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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