I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
