they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
