Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
