DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I smell stomach acid.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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