Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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