put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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