DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
