I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
