Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
