Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
