I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
