My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
