blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
