There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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