you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
