p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
