he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
