call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
