So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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