I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
