think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
