I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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