he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think my moral compass just broke
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
