What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Did I show you my penis last night?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
