Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
