From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
