I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
