you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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