Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
