Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just want nice things and good sex
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
