Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
