Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
My ass is underappreciated
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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