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my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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