I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
