Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize