I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
