im six kinds of drunk right now
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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