I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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