yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
