i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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